The Rage of Men
by: Albert Moore
Earlier in my life, after experiencing spontaneous outbursts of rage, provoked by anything from the minuscule to the major, a woman would ask me: Why are you (read: men) so angry? My retort was predictable, more anger at the assumption that all men are inherently angry creatures, accompanied by expletives to hide my guilt and shame for my behavior. Denial only temporarily masked and deepened my rage. I found more and more things, events, or people pissed me off and more frequently. Finally, I came to the harsh realization that my anger was undermining my relationships, my business and income and probably my mental and physical health. In desperation, I began searching for answers.
I knew two things for certain: one, I was probably mimicking the angry behavior I witnessed growing up with a father tormented by his difficult childhood, deafness and the horrors of war, and two, I wanted to set a different example of manhood for my two sons.
At first, I investigated a psychological approach. Therapy and workshops proved unsatisfying, finding anger management and behavior modification to be temporary band aids. It is my tenacious nature to want to get at the root, the original cause of things. Nothing else will satisfy me. I wanted a comprehensive answer to the question: What is it about the human condition that induces anger, rage and sometime violence, particularly in men?
When I sincerely pose such fundamental questions to myself, it typically takes only a short time for me to be guided to information that makes sense to me. Soon afterward, I read that to become a mature man, every man must leave his mother. Then, I learned that contemporary society leaves this male maturing process to organized religion, the military or even gangs, all of which provide only partial release from our mother’s coattails, leaving us feeling incomplete, still angry or dead inside or literally. Some indigenous cultures put young men through age-old rituals guided by mature elder men to accomplish this process. Having had the privilege of experiencing some of these methods, I found myself still searching for a perceived missing piece to provide the bigger picture I wanted.
This void was filled when I discovered a cosmology that says: shortly after birth, we humans bond with our mothers who are experiencing great love and light. In this bonding the child mistakes the love and light emanating from our mothers for the Love and Light of the Union from whence we’ve come. It is in our mistaking that we forget our individualized aspect of The One, our Essential nature, replacing it with the worldly beliefs of our mothers.
We feel lost in a strange world of apparent separateness without conscious access to our Essence. However, this forgetting of our Essence is a critical part of the Free Will Experiment, the journey of souls into the illusion of our separateness where we learn by experiencing that which we are not. It is the forgetting of our Essence that is the source of our anger and rage. I found that I could align with this cosmology.
We take the first step in consciously redesigning our lives and our world when we remember our Essence, our common origin and our union with all things. We all share the human journey to rediscover our Essence. This journey to Essence remembering and recovery involves physical, emotional, mental and spiritual restructuring. The worldly beliefs we inherited have worked their way into every cell in our bodies.
Yoga and movement helped me to release the outmoded beliefs about myself and my world that were locked in my cells. Crying over the loss of my Essence and the grief about the messes my anger had created, helped me release the vice grip of guilt and shame that kept the anger locked inside my cells. Learning to honor my venture into the world of that which I am not, anger, rage and separate, helped open me to discover, name, own, value and live my true Essence, my true identity. This life creating tool of Essence is the very opposite of the life depleting rage and separation I had experienced. Now, I embody my Essence, tenderness and compassion.
Ironically, in relinquishing our early conditioning to become mature, balanced and even wise elder men, we come to love and honor our mothers and the feminine more authentically and deeply. An abiding peace resides in me now that I know I have an Essential nature which connects me to every one and thing. I now realize that I have a choice whether to create each moment of my day and my relationships by expressing either from my Essence or my rage. I’ve practiced choosing between these polarities for a while now and have witnessed the different results obtained from applying each one. Now, if I find myself getting angry, I take a moment to consult my Essence, asking: what way of being will yield the best results for all concerned. Being tender and compassionate toward myself and others always produces the best results. Applying Essence has proven gratifying and valuable as my business, relationships and health show improvement.
Displays of anger are now few and far between in my relationships as I have relinquished most of the trigger points, allowing me to be guided by my Essential nature. On the physical level, in a recent check-up I was pronounced to be a very healthy 65 year old man. I attribute that to my ability to diminish stresses that often precede angry outbursts.
I’ve even discovered a middle ground that I call dynamic Essence that is very affective in challenging situations. Recently, in a heated situation, I silently acknowledged my Essence as a tender and compassionate man as well as the Essence of the other while also energetically asserting my right to be honored, valued and heard. That situation concluded better than either of us could have imagined. Another instance in applying my Essence had remarkable results by reversing a potentially volatile business argument about money. Learning to apply my Essence to all kinds of life situations has changed my life immensely and I AM a much happier man.
While my happiness is due to a great deal of personal inner work, my association with Soul Support Systems has provided me with tools to stand as a self-responsible man. In Soul Recognition I gained access to my Soul’s voice and learned to pay close attention to its guidance. The many healing modalities available opened me to greater possibilities for my life than I had believed possible. Each time I’ve participated in a Soul Support Systems program I’ve been inspired to be my Essence and in doing so my health, my career and finances and my relationships grow and improve.
Albert Moore is an architect, artist and writer. He and friend and fellow traveler Jeff Hood, have developed a program specifically for men, Awakening the Masculine Soul, designed to facilitate the remembering and practice of a one’s Essential nature in order to lead dynamic and meaningful lives and create a better world. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.